Of a broken lion
by Greiver Dhark
Summary: Something happened to Rinoa during time compression and Squall hasn't recovered. He isn't getting better, only worse. Isn't there someone who can save him, before he gets himself killed? SxS paring RR
1. Kept safe

Help.

"Are you sure that everything is okay? There is _nothing _wrong with him? Nothing at all?" Quistis' uncertain and very concerned voice plagues the busy Balamb Garden physician for the countless time, as the usually calm and strong woman had been reduced to a complaining, irritating bug, which the poor doctor was itching to bat away.

"Mentally, there is nothing wrong with him." The doctor calmly repeats, bustling around and trying to get on with her work around the distracting SeeD woman.

"But that can't be right. He is not getting any better. Isn't there anything you can do?" The distraught blonde asks.

"No my dear, there isn't I'm sorry. But it is his problem." Doctor Kadowaki looks sympathetically at Quistis Trepe, who was nearly reduced to tears.

"Yes, but..." She tries again, even though she had verified her points with the other woman a thousand times, and was aware of the pointlessness of her 'conversations', however, that doesn't seem to matter to her, as she still stuck to her like her life depended on it, or Squall's did. Quistis is cut off, and the doctor is forced to harshly prevent the woman from beginning again.

"No buts Quistis. I understand your concern, but he has already shown how much he appreciates your concern. He did nearly drop you off a cliff, did he not? Now, to make sure that Squall doesn't leave us over night, I would advise you to, in his words, 'keep you nose out and leave me alone."

"When did he say that?" Quistis sounded shocked, and seemingly ignorant of the fact that the usually kind doctor had just told her to leave her alone.

"Some time when you were not letting him get a word in edgeways." The usually patient Doctor Kadowaki sighs exasperatedly, her sharp tongue directed at the woman, which was a first. Usually it was kept for trouble students or people who weren't following the rules. Having Quistis on Squall's back was one thing, but not letting the doctor get on with her work, and not stopping about it for well over three months would have anyone else in a mental institute, or at least in anger management.

Squall wasn't doing to good. Ever since the sorceress war. He had not been seen out of his office in well over three days, and even then, he had only come out to train at the ungodly hours of the morning. Quistis had been the secretary, until Squall had gotten out of control with her 'concern', and he'd nearly done some serious damage. Now she hung around with the doctor, who was at the end of her tether.

"Is there really nothing you can do?" The blond woman says with a frown.

"He is the commander, Quistis. There is nothing I can do, that I haven't already done." Despite her impatience towards the other female, she too was immensely worried for their stubborn SeeD commander's well being. However, as she had said many times before, she couldn't do a thing to help him. Not if he wasn't willing to accept her help.

Squall hadn't recovered from the sorceress war. Whether it had been from Rinoa's transformation and disappearance at the end, or simply something else, nobody but he knew. All they knew was that nobody had seen Squall for weeks. He hadn't been eating, hadn't even left his room. At first he had simply stopped talking again, not uttering a word at all, not even nodding. Then he had spent days at a time in the training centre. When he ran out of energy to do that, he had simply retreated to his room, locking the door. Paperwork was slipped through a slot in the door, but the amounts were getting less and less. After hearing Squall yelling in his sleep, he had stopped sleeping, ding everything to keep himself awake. It was a week ago that he'd nearly dropped Quistis off a cliff when he left his room at last.

She had just tried to help. But he didn't want help. She kept insisting, and eventually, his emotionless mask shook, and she was dangling over the edge, his hand at her throat the only thing from keeping her from falling. He didn't complete his errand, and had simply returned to his locked room.

One SeeD cadet had seen Squall nearly two weeks ago, heading to the training centre. "He had dark rings around his eyes, and he was like a ghost. He looked really thin", the kid said, "and when he looked at me, his eyes were...scary. Like they were vacant."

Nobody else apart from those two had seen Squall in the last month. Only a few had seen him in the last two. Six months of steadily deteriorating health was doing him no good. He had abandoned his friends, pushed them away. They were all worried, but Quistis was the only one trying to confront him now. She was letting her feelings cloud her judgement; otherwise she'd have left him alone long before he nearly sent her to an early grave.

Squall hadn't spoken since the night Rinoa changed.

Only Irvine and Zell had actually seen it, the others were unconscious.

To prevent the cycle, to stop Edea getting Ultimecia's powers, Rinoa had stepped in. Nobody had time to stop her, not even Squall. Rinoa changed then. She didn't even look human after that, but in a way that helped Squall kill her. Because that wasn't Rinoa.

_Flashback_

_Wisps of black smoke swirled around the once most beautiful woman Squall had ever known. Running through her hair, caressing, like a lover. The smoke had engulfed her, eating her whole. The brown eyed princess had even screamed. Loud and clear, her soft voice was sharp, but soon the noise was gone, and the black smoke was all that was left. Punishment for breaking the chain. She was made to suffer. _

_The black smoke swirled and massed, and suddenly was no longer smoke. Instead, it was an angel, a grotesque, disfigured being. That was all Zell could remember, as he was slammed hard against meteors rained down upon him. Irvine followed soon after._

_Leaving only Squall, battling the remains of his lost love. _

_End flashback_

Nobody knew what happened during that battle, but Squall had come out of time compression silent and broken. He looked worse than the others, like he'd been there for a long time, even though you can't age in time compression. He'd run off, straight to his room. But now, his face held another physical scar. One small symbol etched into his face, just in front of his left ear. It was only small, delicate, but often it burned, like nothing he'd ever felt before. After one night of horrendous nightmares, Squall had refused to sleep. He pushed his friends away, even hurt them to get them to leave him alone.

It hurt everyone to know what was happening to Squall. To know that he would never talk to them. To watch as he hid himself from the world; locked himself behind his walls, never to show himself again.

Things were bad around Squall, before he'd locked himself away. People treated Squall differently since the war was over. Laguna wanted to be his father again, wouldn't leave him alone or shut up. People would notice that Squall just wanted to be alone, but Laguna didn't. He just kept on harassing him, until eventually he had simply snapped, and nearly knocked out his father. Not that he had even acknowledged him as his father. He just punched him in the face, hard, and sent the president of Esthar to the ground.

Squall needed help. He just didn't want it. He didn't want anything, only solitude.

Wasn't there someone, something that could help?


	2. The saviour arrives

Not again

"You have got to be kidding me!" The outraged voice of one Zell Dincht fills the large halls of Balamb garden. Stopping his shadow boxing for one second, Zell's mouth hangs open and he gapes at the tearful Selphie. "There is no way he would do that again. No fucking way."

Selphie just bursts into deep sobs, collapsing in Irvine's nearby arms. Irvine, obviously distraught but keeping it hidden for the benefit of his love. His arms wind around her protectively, and he holds her close, whispering soothingly in her ear. It hurt him to see such a bouncy, happy woman in tears. It hurt everyone.

And it was all because of Squall.

From what Quistis had gathered, he had fallen asleep at his desk. She had entered the SeeD commander's office at the sound of yelling, almost like screaming, and had found that it was Squall, having another nightmare. She'd moved to help him, but he had forced his way out of his dream and stood quickly. He looked like hell, but despite his malnutrition, and other problems, he pushed the worried woman away like she was a matchstick. He had run from the room, from the whole of Garden. Taking a careless route outside so he didn't have to face anyone. He jumped out of the window, and slid down the school's hull, nearly breaking his leg as he landed on the ground. He didn't care any more, but with the images in his mind as fresh as ever, he had run straight off of the island of Balamb. Straight off a cliff.

He'd been found face down on the beach a few miles down from Balamb Garden. They all thought he was dead, until he had clarified that he wasn't, by hauling himself to his feet, coughing, and angrily walking away, soaked and battered, and knocking out both Quistis and Irvine in order to make sure they left him alone. He'd passed out before he'd even reached Garden, and it was only because Irvine had decided to walk along the beach rather than the road that he'd come across the unconscious brunette. He'd called for help, but still ended up carrying Squall to the front gates.

Irvine had not been pleased to notice that their lion had lost a lot of weight, too much for it to be healthy at all. A SeeD medical team had taken the commander away on a stretcher; his pale skin was contrasted starkly against the dark of his clothes. He started to jolt on the stretcher; thrashing about in his nightmare filled haze, and nearly getting himself dropped.

Doctor Kadowaki had hastened them all into the infirmary, and Squall was placed into a room on a standard white bed. His wrists and ankles are bound to stop his incessant struggling, and as he wakes up a few minutes later, something disturbing happens.

Everyone finds themselves on the floor, or at least some distance from the bed. It hadn't been a powerful wave, but it had stunned a good few people. Dr Kadowaki quickly got everything under control, sending a well aimed sleep spell in Squall's direction. He falls back onto the bed, his limbs tense and his jaw set.

Under this light, he looked even worse.

As the people slowly pick themselves up, the doctor ushers them all out of the door. Surprised and off guard, everyone is locked out.

Blood pours from slit wrists, and Dr Kadowaki clears them up. More scars become visible as she clears away the red liquid of life from his arms, healing the wound with some potions.

Squall is kept asleep and under surveillance for some time, as the others ponder what to do with him.

"What can we do! He won't let us help, and if he doesn't want our help, then we can't help him." Quistis sighs, but there were tears in her eyes.

"Yeah doc, we tried, we tried to help, to be there for him, but he just pushed us away. I...I don't know what we can do..." Zell sniffs, wiping his eyes quickly.

"How could he do this to us! He isn't the only one with problems. He has friends, what more could he want!" Irvine yells, standing up angrily.

"Irvine calm down!" The doctor yells, getting everyone's attention. "Squall really needs help. I have talked to him about it, offered him counselling sessions, but he just walks away. He has tried to commit suicide several times now, and we have no cure or anything that will make Squall better."

Selphie sobs harder on the couch, and her boyfriend moves to hold her, placing his cowboy hat on her head while soothing her.

"Get the fucker some specialist help or something, 'cos I'm not carrying his half dead arse back to the infirmary one more time," Irvine rounds on them.

"We have tried that Irvine, if you remember. I really don't know what we can do with him. I can't keep him asleep and strapped to the bed for the rest of his life. "

"What other option do we have?"

"There must be someone who can help him. Anyone?"

Silence.

"Wh...what about Seifer?" Selphie's teary voice buts in.

"Seifer? Isn't he dead?" Quistis asks, frowning.

"No...He...He's at the orphanage. I contacted him some time ago. He made me promise not to tell." She sobs.

"He tried to kill everyone and you didn't tell us! He should be dead! I'm going to--" Quistis is cut off by Garden's physician.

"That could be a good idea. And not only that, but it is our only idea. Whether you have a quarrel with him or not Quistis, he could be our last hope for Squall."

"But what if something goes wrong? We don't know how Squall will react to seeing his ex rival."

"Well, its better than having him in that infirmary cubicle for the next few years." Doctor Kadowaki sighs. "So let's do it."

On the roof of the roof of the orphanage on the Centra continent, a tall blond male was hammering nails, trying to finish the roof before it started to get cold. His handsome features were chiselled to perfection, his tanned skin accentuating his well toned muscles. The scar that ran over the bridge of his nose; from above his left eye, to beneath his right, was slightly less visible, the light tan that covered his skin drew attention away from the proudly worn mar of his features. So engrossed in his work, he is ignorant of the sudden gale force winds that come and go, and also unaware of the large red structure that had just landed a little way behind him. The repetitive banging of his hammer drowns out most of the noise, but that is interrupted by a slightly different bang, and some very colourful swearing. Next, a creaking ladder, followed promptly by more swearing and the sound of a ladder falling.

"Oomph." He groans, continuing to curse until he stands up and raises the ladder again. "Stupid thing." He mutters, heading back inside. He starts at the sound of a light chuckle.

He couldn't believe his ears. He knew that chuckle, but there was no way it could be true. "What the hell you doing here 'structor!" He says, twirling to face the tall blonde female. "An' how the hell did you know where I was?" He sighs, scratching the back of his neck, annoyed. "Well, Selphie knew actually. We were all led to believe that you were dead."

"Seifer Almasy /is/ dead." He snorts quietly. "Did you actually have a reason for coming here, or do you just enjoy bugging me? I do remember you had a slightly sadistic side, so maybe you came to watch me fall off my ladder?" He raises an eyebrow, swinging his hammer a little. But at the look the Quistis gave stopped his cocky attitude in its tracks. "What's a matter 'structer? Seen a ghost?" he chuckles dryly, watching as she picks her way carefully towards him.

"It's...about Squall."

That got his attention. He watches her guardedly, his demeanour somewhat altered. Quistis hesitates, and Seifer sighs.

"What about him? Has the ice prince frozen someone to the floor? Spit it out." He growls.

"He...has been suicidally depressed for some time now." She says quickly, watching Seifer barely react to the news, but he does frown, looking none too happy. "What'd he do?" He asks.

"I'm afraid I can't tell you much, because I'm not too sure, but he has been attempting suicide--"

"Bullshit." Seifer interrupts her. "Leonhart would never do that."

"I wish it was true Seifer." She says quietly. "But he's in the infirmary right now with slit wrists."

Seifer's frown deepens, and his hands clench slightly. "And what did you expect me to do about this?" He snaps.

"I don't know Seifer. Just talk to him. You are our last hope; do you think we'd have even come here if there was any other way?" She says half angry, half upset. "Just come back with us. Try to help him. Please?" She looks beseechingly at him, and Seifer sighs.

"...Fine I'll do it." He growls. "But I don't want anybody knowing about me, and I want to be left in peace after this. You owe me now." He smirks a little, moving to the bedroom to collect his stuff. "Oh, to start with my payback, you can get someone to fix the damn roof. I don't want this place flooded when I get back."

Quistis nods. "Fine, I'll get someone on it." She agrees.

Nearly twenty minutes later, they are on their way back to Balamb Garden, Seifer carrying a holdall of things, and of course his trusted Hyperion. Looking out of the window of the Ragnarok, he watches the land masses below him pass in a blur of colours and sighs as he spots the majestic structure that was Balamb Garden. The curved white walls and anti gravity ring stood out for miles.

They land a little way away from the actual building, and Quistis radios to someone inside to clear the hallways.

"Okay, your room has been set up for you, and some of your old things have been returned to you, that you left behind. You can see Squall in an hour or two, once a few things have been gone over."

"How long am I supposed to be staying here?" Seifer asks, still not having looked up from the window.

"As long as you want, although we may ask for a little more." Seifer sighs, he'd been expecting something slightly different, but it didn't matter. It disturbed him how Quistis was actually quite kind to him, he'd expected a lot more hostility from the gang, but then again, it was only Quistis, the others were sure to hate him. Zell especially.

So, as Trepe led him from the Ragnarok, and into the large facility, he looks up from the front steps like he'd done before he left. It was hard to come back to a place where so many good and bad things had happened. Knowing that it could never be the same again.

Of course, the welcoming committee was at the front gate, complete with its own Selphie and Irvine. However, he receives a welcome that he really didn't expect. With a blur of yellow moving at something that seemed damn close to light speed, he is forced to catch a certain female who had hence catapulted herself at him. Irvine bows his hat at him, a slight, but warm smile on his face. "Hey there." He says with that accent of his. Seifer was still trying to regain himself, managing to detach the yellow parasite and take a step back. "Seifie!" Selphie yells in glee, probably breaking an eardrum somewhere. Startled, Seifer takes another step back, slipping into a confident and self assured pose that was so often associated with him.

"Uh...hey?" Seifer says a little uncertainly, a rather alien emotion to him. "You're alive!" Selphie continues. "Wow! We missed you Seifer!" That really confused him. "Missed me? You have got to be kiddin' me." The blonde male shakes his head in disbelief. "It's true Seifer." Irvine steps forward. "We really did miss you."

Seifer looks undeniably shocked and Selphie cannot prevent herself from hugging him again, even though she only came up to his collar bone in height. Quistis chuckles quietly from behind him. Pushing Selphie away, he shakes his head. "Whatever you guys, apparently I got a mission or sumthin' here, so I better get on with it." Despite his words, there was a slight smile on his lips, and he can't help but chuckle quietly as Selphie jumps up and down, waving madly. He had missed this place, and even the people in it, however annoying they could be, and even if he didn't ever show it. However, the thought of his 'mission', the thought of the once strong and proud 'Lion of Balamb', trying to commit suicide /_again_/. It quickly wiped the smile off his face.

"Where is he?" He says quietly to the blonde instructor.


	3. Does he want to be saved?

Somebody help me

Quistis nods, but continues leading him to his room. "Okay, but put your belongings away first. And you'll have to leave Hyperion behind I'm afraid. And...Seifer?" "Huh?" "Just...do all you can, okay? He's...really frail. He won't admit it, he pushed us all away, but you can see it. And also, he hasn't woken up for a while. Physically, he has, but he looks and acts as if he is asleep. He won't eat, or drink, and so the only thing keeping him alive is the IV." She shakes her head. "Just trying to brief you is all." She shrugs, but her cobalt blue eyes are sad.

Seifer just nods and does as requested, placing Hyperion carefully on the bed before allowing the instructor to lead the way to the infirmary. His long striding saunter is faster than Quistis' quick, but smaller steps, so he is forced to slow his pace. The tall blonde male was mildly disturbed at the smaller blonde's lack of proper explanation, and she looked more worried than usual. But with a soft sigh, he says nothing, allowing the silence to draw on as they trek around the vestibule. Walking past Garden's resident physician, Quistis stops outside one of the small rooms. "He's in here." She says quietly, as she looks to the subdued doctor, "Is he awake?" The doctor takes a deep breath, a look of almost hopelessness on her face. "Yes. But it's the same as before. No movement, no nothing. Even though he is conscious, it's like...he just isn't /there/. There is no scientific or medical explanation for what is going on." The woman shrugs helplessly, and returns to her desk with a sad sigh. Quistis types in the key code for the door and allows Seifer to see their fallen leader.

The arrogant blonde male strides in confidently, taking a few steps in so that the door would slide closed behind him. He frowns darkly, looking over the brunette's profile. His face was hollow and pale, and the only noise in the room was the constant beeping of the machine by his bedside, and frankly, he could do without that incessant noise. Walking around to the front of the bed, looking annoyed as hell at what had happened to his equal. He was supposed to be awake, right, so why didn't he even open his eyes when he had walked in? Growling, he walks over and shakes the unresponsive male, but he doesn't even move, although he tenses under the blonde's careless touch and begins to shake a little, of what, the blonde could only guess at.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Seifer's arrogance could be felt in his words, even though there was an edge of uncertainty in his tone. The brunette in the bed could just tell that he was raising a blond eyebrow expectantly. No answer came. Squall doesn't even open his eyes. "Fuck it, c'mon Leonhart, I didn't waste my time getting here just for you to ignore me. Open your goddamn eyes and talk to me for Hyne's sake." Still nothing.

Angry at the lack of movement or reaction from the stubborn Garden Commander, he reaches over and roughly shakes him, watching the pale face as it stays blank, as if he were already dead, and not just imitating it. Sighing, he drops him down like a discarded toy, walking back to the end of the bed. "I can wait here as long as you want Leonhart, it doesn't matter to me either way. Let's see how long you can keep up this charade." He takes a seat at the commander's side, getting comfortable. "I'll beat you at everything you do Leonhart, you know I'm not one to give up. And I'm going to win the big game too; I'm going to save you."

"You can't even save yourself." A soft, but painfully empty voice says from the bed. It seemed that the ice prince had no trouble speaking to the blonde, although he hadn't talked in a while, nobody had heard his voice for a log time, and it was hoarse, yet still melodious as always, even if it sounded grating. But the old Squall was gone, he was different now, and even though he had been dead to the others, he had always been a ghost to Seifer; he had always been alive, but still lost. Now, Seifer was granted with a dead man, while the others were given nothing. Had he thought about it, he would have been pleased that he was the only one to get a reaction out of Squall, or at least, the old Seifer would. But now, he would be honoured, in some strange way.

"What the fuck?" He looks mildly startled at the still brunette beside him. Squall still had his eyes closed, and lips in a thin line, it was as if he had never spoken at all. "Like hell I have." He replies before he can stop himself. He smirks suddenly. "That wasn't so hard." He says, but as Squall does not move or speak again for some time, his smirk fades. "Y'know, you're such a liar Leonhart." The cocky blonde says. "Why don't ya just get up and say you're fine, and I can be back on my merry way, deal?"

Silence was his only reply. Seifer sighs, rubbing his temple. "C'mon, talk to me. You must have missed me?" He tries again, summing up all his patience, because he knew that Squall always tended to need all of it, and when he eventually got his ex rival to start talking, he didn't want to do something stupid and push him back into his shell. He knew how Squall felt, he'd watched him for years, seen how he reacted, how he coped. Except doing something like this was not in his nature. He'd never have gone to his 'friends' for help, that wasn't how he worked, he'd have just slipped until they took him down a step, but it seemed that his 'friends' hadn't wanted to take him a step down, and now this was the result. Just because they thought they had the ability to help him, to understand him, to change him. They all wanted him to be their saviour for everything, he had to be the best, the one who did everything perfectly, and was loved by all. Who felt, who socialised, who was friendly. The thought made him sick to his stomach. They were so absorbed in making him into someone else; they were blind to the pain they caused, blind to the brink that they pushed him to. They pushed away the real Squall, pushed him into the limelight that he didn't want, and they made him dance. Except he wasn't dancing, he never was. He was falling off the stage, and they were just hauling him back up, again and again.

The thought made Seifer angry enough to go and pummel the stupid wretches right then, but that would only get him into trouble, and Squall would never be saved. He tries a different approach.

"Fine. Be like that. See if I care. You don't even deserve saving." He says, folding his arms over his chest. Maybe if he could make Squall react, either with guilt or because of something he said, then he could slowly drag him out, kicking and screaming if he had to. Squall had changed recently though, after all that happened, it was understandable, but it meant he was more unpredictable. Seifer eventually does get a reply from the male in the bed, but it isn't the one he wanted. At all.

"I didn't ask to be saved." He says lightly, his dry lips barely moving. And he wasn't finished yet. Oh no, he had a few spiteful words on the tip of his tongue. "But if the white knight believes he can save someone else. You're too late." Seifer almost flinches at the emptiness in his voice, betraying his fall into hell. The name didn't please him either; it was not like him to bring something like that up. Watching the broken male, his heart jumps into his throat at the tainted beauty of the once strong and proud saviour of this world.

"That's a lie. You are not too far to be saved. Let me save you." Squall just snorts and turns his head away from Seifer, the first actual movement so far. It kind of hurt. "Look, just let me help you, okay? I mean, how bad could it be? At least if you make some progress, you should be able to get out of this ridiculously white room, and back into your own room, where people will leave you alone." Seifer tries to bribe him, using past experience to try and tempt him, but Squall doesn't react; he knew that it would be bad, very bad to do that, and although getting out of here sounded very appealing, to be free of the people that stared at him through that window every goddamn minute of the day, people would not leave him alone wherever he was, because nobody seemed to be smart enough to let him get on with things himself, instead of always trying to make him better, make him the one responsible, make him do things he couldn't and didn't want to do.

"Come on Leonhart, talk to me. You know I can't read minds." Seifer says, slightly annoyed at the sickly male going back into his inverted conversations. Squall just closes his eyes and frowns deeply, ignoring him. The blonde sighs exasperatedly and rubs his temple. "Squall...will you tell me what is wrong? Will you tell me how I can help you?" The ex knight says with sudden care and compassion, his voice soft and tender. Squall opens his eyes at the unnatural tone, but says nothing. The way his eyes switched colours proved that he was thinking. Deeply. In the end, the brunette doesn't reply, but his frown deepens and his breath hitches, one hand instantly coming to his heart, pressuring it harshly.

Despite his lack of answer, the previous conversation was pushed from his mind as he looks worriedly at the man on the small bed. "Are you alright?" He frowns in something like concern, moving forward, but Squall roughly pushes the blonde man away, with considerable strength despite his current condition. "Doc." He growls through clenched teeth, and doctor Kadowaki rushes in, ushering Seifer out of the way. This was the only time that Squall used to permit her to help him. That was before he went into such a deep shell, that Seifer had peeled away with surprising ease.

Seifer is forced to stand outside the window and watch the proceedings with worry in his eyes as Balamb Garden's physician works around the commander. After giving him some drugs and checking him over, the doctor walks out of the small room, the door making a soft swooshing noise behind her.

"Is he alright? What happened?" Seifer's worried gaze rests on the fairly short and pudgy woman before him, and he tugs on the hem of his shirt, his worry and such poured out with this small subconscious act.

"I am afraid that that is confidential information, Mr Almasy, known only between myself and Squall. I'm sorry, but you'll have to ask him." The doctor looks at him sternly, her hands on her hips. "Squall needs his rest. He's very ill, and he isn't getting any better. You need to look after him." She waves her finger at him, before returning to her desk.

"C'mon Doc!" The arrogant ex knight wails almost exasperatedly. "You know I'll never get t out of Leonhart. This is a special case, right? So why can't ya just bend the rules /a little?" "Now Seifer you know I can't do that. Patient-doctor confidentiality is very important. And its not something I like to break, even under circumstances like these. You may see this act as you wish, but the least I can do for Squall is keep his secrets for him. It is not my place to say, Seifer, and you know it too." The blonde just sighs and nods, not trying to get the annoying doctor to comply to his wishes, knowing his attempts would prove fruitless.

"Just be careful around him. He's not well, and these little attacks are getting worse. Don't push him around. And most of all: don't hurt him." "You talk about him like he's made of glass." Seifer snorts. "He is Seifer. He is. Made of ice and glass." Seifer just looks down, because he could see it as well. The ice holding the broken glass together was melting, and there was nothing anybody could do. But he'd try. He'd try to glue the stubborn brunette back together, even if he cut his fingers, he'd do his best for Squall. Because he cared...

Hope you like it, sorry that it is so short, and that it took me a long time to write it, but my computer has been going through the motions, and is on its way to a one week vacation in the store, because it keeps screwing up.

Thank you to Zencreation and WeCouldBeGone, as well as all you others, I'm just sorry that I suck at updating and have limited energy, no motivation and a hard time getting on the computer, as well as a lazy inspiration, I'll be damned if it ever works fully.

Well. Thanks, R+R.


	4. I don't need saving

I don't need saving

Seifer had been forced to return to his room after Squall had fallen asleep, and he had wasted his time cleaning Hyperion, and doing other menial tasks that were not deemed noteworthy. The blonde man had mused deeply, mulling over the military school's commander. The brunette man was obviously bleeding inside, had been for a long time, except now his blood had stained his flesh and melted the walls keeping him together.

"What and odd thought." He thinks, looking both amused and angry. "Since Leonhart's blood is cold. I know that for sure." He sighs; he knew because he'd been stained by the brunette's blood, he knew what it felt like. Tasted like. Smelt like. He knew everything about him. Or at least he used to, but as he already learnt; things had certainly changed, and Squall was definitely one of them.

He wasn't too sure why, but seeing the once proud Lion falling into an endless pit, made him angry and upset. Angry that people had dropped him, had pushed him down, and upset because he knew he was partly to blame as well. He had also left him, pushing him down, and his disappearance had meant that he was not there to help him up, to take his hand whether he wanted it or not. To make him strong once again, and do anything and everything he could to make it 'right' again. If it had ever been 'right' to begin with. He wasn't even sure if he knew what 'right' really was anymore. Because where there was always a 'right' and 'wrong', often, both parties were in the 'right', but their own goals appeared 'wrong' to the others. Then again, sometimes people will know that what they are dong is 'wrong' but that will not stop them.

Pausing in his rather deep thoughts, he shakes his head, blonde hair unmoving under the movement, fixed still with styling gel. He was thinking /way/ too much, and he knew exactly what /that/ could do.

Damn, he really needed something to do, because lying on his bed thinking, wasn't getting him anywhere, or doing him any good. But Doc Kadowaki had told him to stay here until he was called, and he wouldn't exactly take a stroll down the halls, unless he had a deathwish. He could just imagine the effect his presence could cause, spells would come flying, all hell would break loose. At least he would be nearer to the ice prince. The thought wasn't comforting. Then again, why was he still thinking! Standing and starting to pace, the well built ex knight sighs, before tentatively opening his door and peering out. All clear so far. Who cared if he got pummelled into an unrecognisable pulp, it wasn't like he didn't deserve it. Slipping cautiously down the halls, he nearly gives himself away when a few students walk by, catching him by surprise and causing him to have to stumble backwards. Fortunately, he manages to hide behind some lockers, and gets by undetected. Finally he reaches the infirmary, and slipping past the other rooms, he comes to a halt outside the depressed male's room, where he pauses. However, he doesn't pause for long, as voices nearby hurry him onwards. Slipping into the room occupied by the male, he closes the door firmly behind himself and looks Squall over, shaking his head a little. "What the hell happened to you?" He mutters.

Silence.

"Back to not talking again, eh Leonhart?" Seifer chuckles dryly. "Never did talk much, even before everything, did you?" The blonde man sighs in exasperation. This was getting him nowhere as ever. He didn't even know if the stubborn male was awake, and if he wasn't, he was making a major ass of himself, by talking to the unconscious brunette. "C'mon, c'mon, stop blocking me out, I just want to help."

Was that a snort?

Did Squall just snort at him?

"...Squall...?" His tone is questioning, tender, caring, and his eyes reflected how he felt. Squall opens his eyes in surprise. Seifer had called him by his own name. He hadn't done that since well before the sorceress war. Not since they first came to Balamb Garden.

"You are awake." The blond Almasy states, with barely concealed surprise and annoyance. "You could at least have the decency to let me know." Seifer sits down at Squall's bedside, while Squall was frowning in confusion.

"...My...name..." He murmers softly, his thin lips barely moving to form the words. "What? Oh, yeah, I said your name. Well, it's hardly something to get all teary eyed about Squall, c'mon, is it really that big a deal?" Seifer is understandably confused when Squall's eyes turn watery, and he looks away. The blond frowns, moving to turn Squall's head back to facing him. Bad idea. The brunette tenses sharply, his breath catching and he recoils, pulling quickly away from the touch.

"Oh, sorry." Seifer quickly apologises, backing away. Squall looks at him, confused, but he says nor does anything.

"So...you gonna tell me what happened last time?" Seifer asks cautiously. Squall only looks away further, signifying a negative response. "Why not?" Still nothing. "Dammit Squall! Why won't you just fucking tell me! Why do you always keep everything inside, till you burst!" Seifer was angry now. He wanted answers, but the damned brunette just wouldn't talk. Squall didn't react to the yelling, he seemed used to it. Too used to it. Nobody should be used to the things Squall was used to.

"Hyne Squall! Just tell me already! What do you want from me!" The blonde ex knight says exasperatedly, moving closer to the stoic commander.

Silence.

Squall didn't know how to want anymore. And if he did, he'd already proved that all he wanted was to die. Sighing in aggravation, Seifer stalks to the edge of the room, running a hand through his gelled back hair.

"There must be something good I can do." Is all Seifer says for the time being. Squall just laughs a tiny, hollow laugh. In a voice all too bitter, Squall's soft voice is heartbreakingly pained and empty. "Give it up Almasy. Nobody can save me. I don't even want to be saved." Seifer twirls to face him at that, eyes flaring up with anger.

"Don't you dare say that. For one, you know that I never give up, for two, you don't want to die. You just need to find some sort of joy, some happiness. I WILL save you." He swears, hands clenched into fists. Squall shakes his head. "Joy? Happiness? Since when did they exist in hell?" Is Squall's retort, and this only rallies Seifer to higher levels of anger. "This isn't hell Squall. Not by far." "For you maybe. Hell followed me out." His voice is pained, flourishing with an agony he couldn't seem to hide anymore.

"...What do you mean...?" Seifer frowns in confusion, not liking what he was hearing. Not at all. "I was in time compression for a long time. A long long time." His pained voice betrays the suffering, the time he spent there. It made Seifer really wonder how long he was there. And being his usual outright self, he asks, but his tone is soft, gentle. "How long?"

Eyes cast down, body curling up slightly, Squall's voice is a bare whisper. "Years."

"...Years!...Hyne Squall..." He seems at a loss of words, as the realisation sinks in. "Years...of hell?"

Squall nods, his cold eyes watching the other intently. If one cared to look, they'd see the drip had been pulled from his hand again, so he hadn't had any fluid or food in his body for a long time now. Sitting himself up, with a few winces and struggles, Squall doesn't look Seifer in the eyes.

"What...did they do to you?" Seifer asks, but Squall only shakes his head. He wasn't ready to talk about it, to trust anyone enough to say any more. He didn't even know how he'd come to trust his old rival this much anyway. It was all too confusing to understand, and it was the sort of thing he never even tried to, because it was just a waste of time. However, he'd had a lot of time on his hands, but as usual, it ha all been used in vain. He didn't understand anything like that. He probably never would.

"What about earlier? You couldn't breath." Squall nods. "Just something they did. Something that happened." The ex commander just shrugs it off. Sighing tiredly, he rubs his temple harshly, ignoring the reprising look Seifer was giving him. "I will be leaving soon." He says softly. "Nobody can keep me here." Seifer nods.

"Why are you telling me this?"

The brunette only shrugs, glancing up at the blond male beside him.

"Where will you go?"

Another shrug, he had thought it through so much, but he really didn't care. "I don't know. See Shiva first."

"They took her away?" A nod. "She didn't want to. Infirmary is dampened though. She couldn't break through, not without going back inside me."

Too much. He was talking too much. Why couldn't he stop? Why did he feel so unthreatened and secure? Like there was a strange comfort or slow coaxing going on. It wasn't naturally, and so, of course, Squall was unwilling and unused to it.

"Back inside? Inside your body? Isn't that really dangerous?" Squall nods. "Where did she go?"

"Straight to my heart. Reaching up to my eyes." "To protect and freeze." Squall nods, slipping back down to lay on the bed.

"I will come after you." Seifer states suddenly.

"To take me back?"

"No."

"Then why?"

"I just will. I will follow you, make sure you don't get hurt."

"Hurt myself?"

A nod from Seifer this time.

"I can't be saved. It only gets worse. They keep me here...like it will make me all better. It won't."

Squall coughs hoarsely, making Seifer wince at the harsh sound. "Can't you do anything about that?"

"Probably."

They are interrupted by Doctor Kadowaki bustling in. "Seifer! I told you to wait until I called you before you came!" She says sternly, looking at Squall. "If you really are that persistent to stay here, I can have it arranged. But you know the danger you put yourself in, the trouble you may have caused if you were seen. Countless SeeD and cadets would not hesitate to fire a few Ultimas off in the halls, and that would be incredibly dangerous. To everyone in the complex. You should be more careful."

"Yeah, I know, I was careful though. No harm done." Seifer raises his hands up in defence.

The slightly wide woman sighs, but looks kindly on the two males. "Fine, I'll have it sorted out. For now, let Squall rest. He needs it."

The man in question says nothing, returning to the icy cold man, and ignoring the physician with unlimited practise. However, by now, the kindly doctor was used to it, and she leaves.

Squall had turned away from Seifer and closed his eyes, so the taller male gets the hint and drops the subject, allowing the weary saviour to rest.

"G'night Leonhart." He says.

He does not get any response.

What do you think? Any good. I'm unequivocally sorry for my exceedingly long delay, I have been a bit preoccupied. I'll try to update again ASAP! Keep the encouragement coming! Yay to my role-players on Neopets! Yay to my stories! I love you all!


	5. What happened to you?

Disclaimer- Blah blah, own nobody, blah -sob- On with the story!

What are you going to do?

A blonde man sat in a chair beside a small hospital bed, which held upon it a beautiful male, a male who had slipped his way down through two hells and was now trapped in despair. To any outsider, it would look like just a bad case of abuse and neglect to a handsome young man, who was being comforted by a friend or family member. But that wasn't the case; even if it wasn't that far off the mark.

The pale man in the hospital gurney appeared to be asleep, but he wasn't. He was alert, aware, but starving. Not that he'd ever say anything to the other guy about it; it was his own fault any way. With a slight grunt, Seifer awakens from his uncomfortable slumber. Sighing and stretching, he stands and pops his back before looking over the brunette and glancing up at the doctor who had come on sight of stirring.

"You really need to make these chairs more comfy, doc. They're a real pain to sleep on."

"That's the point Seifer, it is supposed to stop you sleeping on them."

The woman receives only a grunt in response, and she bustles around in a way only maids and doctors could. Checking Squall over, she clicks her tongue in annoyance and replace the IV tube into his arm, muttering "fool" at the 'unconscious' brunette.

Seifer shakes his head, sitting back down in the painful chair. "Is he awake?"

"Yes I do believe he is."

Squall makes no movement, but he was looking worse than ever; his chest was moving only a tiny amount with each limited breath he drew in.

"Good." He says quietly, leaning forwards.

"Oh, Squall. The new drugs will be arriving tomorrow for your sleeping. You will have to try and stay awake until then, because there are no more left." There is no reaction from Squall, but there was one from Seifer.

"He can't sleep until tomorrow! How is he supposed to stay awake for that long!"

"Believe me Seifer, he has been staying up for more than just days." The doctor sighs, leaving the room to answer her phone, which was beeping maniacally.

The male in question was limp on the bed, his muscles unusually tense. He doubted he would be able to stay awake for that long, he just didn't have the energy. Probably because he wasn't eating or doing anything to help himself. The only reason he hadn't tried to kill himself so determinedly was because he had not slept, or had taken enough pills to dull whatever haunted him.

"Squall? Are you alright?" The blonde asks, concerned. Shaking his head, he mutters to himself. "Stupid question, of course you're not." With a sigh, Seifer moves the chair nearer to the failing brunette. "Will you tell me about time compression?" He asks, merely testing the waters; already knowing that Squall would never tell.

As expected, the male in the bed doesn't move, or reply.

He was curious to know what had become of Rinoa, having left before the final battle, and certainly not there for all the time that Squall was, he didn't know what had happened to the woman he was presumed to have loved. "Do you know what happened to Ultimecia's and the others?" He asks, frowning at the flinch the sorceress' name provokes.

"Did you flinch? You did, didn't you? Since when did you flinch?" Seifer is incredulous, disbelieving.

"Since I died inside." He mutters, the first response so far. The response far from pleasing to the blonde's ears. But Squall didn't care anymore. And by tonight, he'd by begging for death, unable to feel anything but pain as the nightmares flood his waking. It had happened before, and there was nothing he could do to stop it. Squall was falling apart at the seams.

Concerned but unaware, Seifer watches, reading Squall. He notes the slightly inset eyes, although the lids were closed, and the bony shoulders visible. They were too scarred for his liking, he hadn't been so bad before the war. A bit battered sometimes, but cures erased wounds before they could scar. He obviously hadn't had any sort of cure during his time in 'hell.' As angry as it made Seifer, it wouldn't help it if he blew his top. It wouldn't change anything, and it wouldn't make things better.

"You aren't dead inside Squall. You're still there. Okay? You can't be dead inside…" There was something unexplainable in Seifer's voice, almost like pleading, but different.

"…" Silence from the brunette, he merely sighs almost inaudibly.

"Is there nothing I can do to help you?" Seifer asks quietly.

"Since when did you want to help me." Squall replies flatly, his lips barely moving. "Why do you stay, and why did you come back? You were dead."

It hurt to feel the emptiness in Squall's tone, and he could feel the pain at those last words. _You were dead._ As if Seifer had abandoned him too. Seifer shakes his head, resting his head in his hands. It was true. He had left Squall, and it had aided in the break down of Leonhart, he deserted Squall when he shouldn't have.

"…I'm sorry, Squall." He says quietly, shaking his head. "I'm so sorry."

A tiny, bitter smile adds to the broken ensemble the brunette made, and Seifer bites his lip to keep control.

Squall's soul had been twisted and desecrated, and it was almost too much to bear. While he had been getting away scot free compared to Squall, the saviour was forced to suffer.

There is a brief moment where there is no more talking, no movement or anything. Seifer simply sat in the chair, Squall lying in the bed. Several minutes go by like this, until Seifer once more breaks the silence.

"Will you let me see your scars?" He asks quietly, although he doubted that the brunette on the bed would comply to his wishes. Not now anyway.

As expected, the man on the bed stays silent, although his body visibly tenses beneath the sheets. Seifer places a hand on Squall's arm, causing it to tense further.

"Enough of that Squall. Don't keep tensing like that. You're muscles are too sore. You're supposed to be resting, getting better, but you won't do either. If you want me to get you out of here, you need to show signs of improvement. I can't just kidnap you." He says quietly.

"Death is my only escape." He replies quietly.

"Bullshit. I can help you. Why won't you at least let me try!"

"Because it hurts." He says quickly, a flare of anger in his eyes and voice. "Because each waking minute is hell, and bottomless pit where I'm falling and no one can stop me. It only stops when I die, and you…people just keep making that fall longer and longer. My blood burns in my veins and all you do is pump it around my body." He bites harshly, causing Seifer to recoil slightly, but the hand stays on the male's arm.

"Please Squall. At least let me try. There must be another way, but unless you get better, I won't be able to help you find it."

"Since when did you give a fuck about me Almasy? When did you ever care? Why do you try and save me, when I am too fucking dead to be saved! When it is too late and has been for years. Just because I suddenly get pushed over the edge, it was as if this wasn't my destination in the first place." Angry, the brunette glares at Seifer with a deep seated loathing.

Squall's heart rate was rising, and in his weakened state, he couldn't deal with the stress. However, Kadowaki was currently elsewhere, and so he was alone in his problems.

"Come on Squall. I know you weren't exactly the normal one around, but you weren't depressed before now. I was with you half the time Leonhart; I know what you were like."

"Then you were pretty damn blind. As soon as I took a sharp drop I start getting noticed. Don't tell me you didn't see I was falling." He hisses, but suddenly he becomes short of breath, apparently he couldn't take anymore. Seeing what he'd done, Seifer panics, looking around for the doctor. "What do I do! What's going on?" He yells, looking around for the doctor, who wasn't there.

"G-get…the…n-nuetronium…hydrogliseren." He gasps, pointing to a nearby syringe. Seifer quickly and obediently injects Squall's arm, still obviously unsettled, as he rubs the brunette's belly to try and calm him and help. After a while, he calms, totally drained and appearing to be nearing his end, or at least slipping into unconsciousness.

"Hold on Squall. C'mon, stay with me. You can't die like this."

The Squall glares at him weakly, his eyelids drooping tiredly. "Like you care…" He mumbles painfully, before choking up mouthfuls of crimson blood, staining his chin and the white sheets that covered him. "Just go away. Go wherever the fuck you went when I was still supposed to be strong." He hisses angrily, his hands clenching into fists at his bedside.

Seifer was still looking a little shocked, and strangely upset at the brunette, but Squall continues on. "Get out of here now Almasy. Get lost, with all the others. If you really cared you would have left me alone. Just like them. Everyone says they care but I'm still dying aren't I? I didn't want to be anything. I just wanted to be left alone. I didn't ask for this!" The broken lion chokes out a cry now, tears rolling down his shatteringly hollow cheeks.

"Just let me die…" He whispers painfully, turning his head from Seifer as much as he could and laying still, the crystalline droplets continuing to wet the sheets around him. The blonde was still in shock at Squall's words, something very uncharacteristic of him, usually he was on the ball with quick witted remarks, but now, there was nothing. Only silence and the gentle crying coming from the bed before him.

Squall Leonhart was crying. It had not been seen ever, not even after a fever dream when he was five years old. Because Squall never cried. But that apparently was no longer true, because he was crying right now, and it was all Seifer's fault. The ice walls he had build so meticulously so long ago, and fixed, built up, were melting and becoming the tears that trickled down his porcelain cheeks, and nobody could piece him back together again. The ice that separated him, made him cold and dead inside, was the only thing that had held what was left of him together. A broken man melded by ice. But not even ice could fix him. Breaking apart, losing himself; he was running out of time.

As the brunette begins to drift away from consciousness once more, the blond beside him gently takes his hand, wishing he could somehow help. "I never meant to do this to you. You weren't supposed to fall. Let me fix you. Get better for me Squall…"


End file.
